i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
