do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
