That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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