Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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