So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
