My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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