Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
