I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm getting married
To pizza
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
