Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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