need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
