I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
