I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
