I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
