first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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