Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
