Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
