I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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