He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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