It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize