You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
