My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
