omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
