I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize