I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just gargled with NyQuil
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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