shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
