I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
