Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
