Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
