and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize