No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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