I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
