Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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