My hand turned me down
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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