And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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