if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
