see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I want to be your penis for a week.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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