So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
