it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
