just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
