Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
