Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
