you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it was like having sex with a tree stump
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
