Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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