Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
