dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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