We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
