dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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