Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Randomize
