So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
