if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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