she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
