we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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