I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
