Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
