I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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