sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
