kristin has been a bad kristin
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
