does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
