he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
