I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
