I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
