my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
