the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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