you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
